


how many seasons have we been together?

by pocketsofposies



Series: can’t get you out of my mind [1]
Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, F/F, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:28:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27973083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pocketsofposies/pseuds/pocketsofposies
Summary: The four times Heejin said I love you and the one time shedidn’tcouldn’t.
Relationships: Jeon Heejin/Kim Hyunjin
Series: can’t get you out of my mind [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2048787
Comments: 8
Kudos: 84





	how many seasons have we been together?

She had almost forgotten about the stinging in her leg when Hyunjin has her on her back.

She’d fallen at the playground and ended up with blood on her knee. Thankfully it was only the two of them there— she cried _so_ loud and she couldn’t stop herself.

Hyunjin acted quick. She tore the bottom of her own shirt and tried to stop the bleeding. She suggested going home, and carried her without any sort of hesitation.

“I told you you were going too high on the swing, but you never listen to me,” Hyunjin grumbles beneath her.

Heejin sniffs, rubbing the remaining tears away left on her cheeks. “You made it look easy though,”

“Because I’m better than you,”

She huffs, pinching her cheek.

“Ow!” Hyunjin laughs, flinching a little as she walks.

Heejin starts giggling. She feels way better now.

It’s something Hyunjin always does. Something she’s good at, among many things.

“Yeah, you’re the best. I love you Hyunjin,”

“I know you do. You can’t live without me,”

* * *

The bile rises to the bottom of her throat. She can hear the murmurs in the gymnasium. Staring at herself in the mirror, she sucks in a harsh breath. She can’t cry. It’ll ruin her makeup.

Someone enters the restroom, and from the mirror, she sees Hyunjin.

“Hey, they’re looking for you backstage,”

“I can’t do it,”

They speak at the same time.

Hyunjin looks at her with raised eyebrows. Instantly, her eyes soften and she nods at her knowingly. She locks the door behind her before walking closer.

“I feel like I’m gonna mess everything up and everyone in class and the teacher are going to hate me,” Heejin stutters with her voice cracking mid-sentence.

“But you’ve been practicing nonstop since you got the role,” Hyunjin frowns. “I’m sure you’ll do fine. Besides, the teacher chose you as the lead for a reason, right?”

“There’s just... too many people out there! Everyone’s going to laugh at me if I make a mistake!”

“Heejin...” she sighs, taking her hands and holding them tight. “You’re going to do great. I watched you practice over and over again and you just got better every time. And if you _do_ make a mistake and anyone laughs at you or hates you, that just means they’re stupid and mean and they don’t have a cat to love,”

She laughs, looking down at her feet.

“And if you think nobody’s going to cheer on you, you’re wrong. I made sure I had a seat at the front row, so just look for me, okay?” Hyunjin smiles, bringing their hands higher between them.

Feedback from the microphone rings outside. Two taps echo, then they hear their teacher speak.

“The play will begin in three minutes. Please settle down,”

Nodding, Heejin takes a full, deep breath to steel herself. “I think I’m ready,”

“Of course you are. Get out there and break a leg, lead actress,” Hyunjin gives her a firm pat on her shoulder.

She grins at her, feeling lighter and confident. She proceeds to exit the restroom and rush to the backstage.

When the curtain rises and the lights flash above her, she sees Hyunjin take her seat.

And the moment the play ends and the lights dim out, she hears the applause. Her cast mates bow to the audience here and there, waving and smiling wide.

Someone in the front row stands.

Hyunjin beams at her, eyes twinkling as she applauds.

Others start to follow suit. Soon enough, everyone is standing and cheering them on.

“I love you,” Heejin mouths, matching the smile right in front of her.

“I know,” Hyunjin mouths back.

* * *

The room is dark and cold. Her comforter doesn’t really do much comforting around her body. Beside her is a half-empty box of tissues.

There’s a knock on the door.

“I said I’m not hungry, mom,” she raises her voice only enough so whoever is outside can hear her.

The door opens.

“Hey,” Hyunjin offers her an apologetic smile.

“Oh... hi,” she mutters, cuddling her pillow a little tighter.

Behind her, Hyunjin shuts the door. She crosses the room to sit beside her on her bed. “Sorry about you and Chaewon. I brought you ice cream, but your mom said to keep it in the freezer,”

“Thanks,” Heejin smiles weakly. “It sucks. We were doing so well, you know?”

“Yeah. I was rooting for you two,” Hyunjin sighs. “But I’m sure you’ll meet someone better for you,”

She groans. “No thanks. Besides, I don’t think anyone would want Park Chaewon’s leftovers,”

“Hey, don’t say that,”

“What? It’s true—“

“No, it’s not,” Hyunjin covers her mouth with a hand. She looks at her with seriousness in her eyes. “You’re nobody’s leftovers. You have a good heart, you’re insanely talented, you’re super pretty. You have all kinds of people lining up for you, you know?

She doesn’t bother trying to respond.

“And, come on... we’re still in high school. You’re bound to meet someone better than her,”

After a few seconds of thinking, Heejin nods. The hand is lifted from her lips.

“Now let’s go eat ice cream,”

Before she can leave her side, Heejin grabs her hand.

“Maybe tomorrow. I’m tired,” she says, still holding on like a lost child.

She can see the understanding look on her lface when she nods.

“Can you... stay here for tonight? It’s been so long since you slept over,”

“Oh,” Hyunjin blinks a couple of times. “Of course,”

By the time the two of them have gotten comfortable on her bed, her eyes start to feel heavier and heavier. Being wrapped in Hyunjin’s arms feels way better than a duvet.

“Thank you...” she mumbles.

There’s a hum of a response.

Heejin’s head rests on the crook of her neck. She can feel each breath she takes.

She gathers up the little energy she has left. “I love you Hyunjin,”

It might be fatigue getting to her, it might be the fact that she’s half asleep, but she swears she can feel Hyunjin’s heart beating fast against her chest before she replies.

“... I know,”

* * *

The smell of the hospital feels like a stain in her nose. She’s sick of it here, and it hasn’t been a full day.

The hallways are bright and clean and so painfully empty. Nurses and doctors would pass by, some offering her a pity smile.

It makes her feel sick.

There’s a blur of movement in the corner of her eye.

“Heejin!”

“Hyunjin?”

In an instant, she’s pulled into an embrace.

Hyunjin pulls away for a bit to take a good look at her face. “I left school as soon as classes were over. How are you feeling?”

“I... she’s...”

The tears start welling up in her eyes again.

“Oh, Heejin...” she exhales a breath and hugs her again.

The tears don’t stop. She buries her head in her shoulder and lets herself go in the embrace.

For at least a moment, a short while... she feels that it’s going to be okay.

When Heejin calms down, they sit side by side on the plastic chairs along the hall.

“I didn’t know that your mom was...” Hyunjin says, but trails off.

“She’s been sick for awhile... we just didn’t know it’s gotten this bad,”

She nods in understanding. They stare at the nothingness in front of them.

“The surgery went as well as it could be, though. We’re just waiting for her to wake up,” Heejin offers a little reassurance.

“That’s good to hear. She’ll be just fine,” Hyunjin smiles at her.

Sighing, she rests her head on her shoulder. She has never felt this tired in her life.

“Hey, how about this?” Hyunjin takes her hand and grasps it gently. “I can’t stay here with you the whole night, but I’ll come back here first thing tomorrow. And I’ll buy some tulips. Your mom likes those, right?”

Heejin quirks up a bit. “She’ll love that! You’d make her so happy,”

“Hey, it’s least I could do after all the mac and cheese,” she laughs lightheartedly.

Heejin giggles quietly. She leans more comfortably on her side and shuts her eyes. “You’re the best... you know that?”

“Mm, yeah, but I like hearing it from my fans,” Hyunjin whispers.

She hits her playfully and laughs a little more, then settles down. The silence is much comfortable this time.

“I love you, Hyunjin. You’re my best friend,”

“I know. And you’re mine, too.”

* * *

She has no idea how much drinks she’s had, but it doesn’t matter when she’s pouring her guts out down the toilet.

Heejin is extremely dizzy. She can barely keep her head up.

She can’t even focus on the face of the girl helping her up.

“... get you to bed,” says the girl as she gets her to her feet.

“You sound like... my best friend,” she giggles, stumbling even with her arm over the stranger’s shoulders.

They pass by a lot of students who are presumably drunk. The music is loud and the bass gets her heart jumping to her throat and it makes her want to vomit it out.

Good thing the walk to her dorm room isn’t that far.

It takes a couple of tries with the key and the doorknob before it unlocks. To tell truth, she doesn’t really remember being able to open the door.

She doesn’t remember running to the bathroom either, but she _does_ remember puking again for the last time this night.

Soon enough, she’s washed her face, changed her clothes, brushed her teeth, and gotten into bed.

The other girl turns for the door, but...

“Hyunjin,”

She stops.

“stay here please,” Heejin whispers, “until I fall asleep,”

She was right. It’s her.

“I knew it was you,” she smiles, even with her eyes closed, “you smell nice. Coffee and bread. You smell like a bakery... café,”

“And you smell like alcohol,” Hyunjin replies.

It’s been awhile since she’d properly listened to her voice.

“You never talk to me anymore...” Heejin mutters, hugging her pillow.

Ever since college started, their conversations have become shorter and shorter. It started to feel strained.

She would watch Hyunjin whenever there were volleyball matches, she would cheer for her, but as time passed, she stopped looking her way.

Has Heejin not been able to make time for her anymore? Has she been focusing more on the new friends she’d made?

Is she the one being distant to Hyunjin?

“I missed you... your voice...” she mutters again.

“Go to sleep,” Hyunjin leans down to whisper, “I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?”

Heejin hums in response.

God, she misses her so much. She wants to hug her, to sleep in her arms again, to kiss her—

... She wants to kiss her. She’d been wanting to for some time now. She just hadn’t fully realized it.

Hyunjin takes her hand and kisses her forehead gently right after. “Goodnight, Heejinnie,”

_Tell her now._

She can feel the empty space where Hyunjin was just a second ago. Every bit of energy is drained from her. She can’t move her lips.

_Tell her you love her._

She hears the door creak the slightest bit open.

_I love you, Hyunjin._

Hyunjin can’t hear how loud her thoughts are.

_I hope you know that._

She doesn’t. She’d already failed to remind her, time and time again.

The next day comes. They don’t talk again.


End file.
